Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
50% drunk capacity currently
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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