he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
