You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize