Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
