She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
