You're completely useless in the revolution.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
