i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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