he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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