when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
