Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
