when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
