I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I wish you could order shots online.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize