why didn't you poke me back
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
