I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
All the doctor said was why
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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