I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just gift wrapped bread.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
