i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
