why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
