she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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