People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
