It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
