did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Less talking, more tequila
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
