I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
