It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this boner is exhausting
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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