I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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