dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize