Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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