is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
