I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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