Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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