Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
