So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
