Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
