One girl and one boy is just not enough.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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