Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
