apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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