Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
