Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
