What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
