I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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