I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
