I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bang-toberfest begins!!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
