pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
