I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
