My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
