he wants to bone in the snuggie
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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