im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
this will be a night to untag.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
