I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
