I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
