I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
