so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
