i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
