We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
