By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
