Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
