I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
