Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
