before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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