I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
