Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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