Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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