he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
