How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
