I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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