You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
