D3 body, D1 cock
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
