Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
