I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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