I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
