Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
