its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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