My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
