so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize