Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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