He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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