Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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