It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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