I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
