I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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